wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
