We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
