i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
