Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
