Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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