Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
