maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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