I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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