too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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