i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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