Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
