Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
