I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
bring money and cleavage
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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