He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
