new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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