my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
