id be glad to
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
