I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
