Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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