So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
