I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
