ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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