I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
50% drunk capacity currently
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People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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