It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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