why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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