I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
