It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
