Yo dont text me then not text me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
