Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize