I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize