Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she peed on how many people?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
