just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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