The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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