Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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