I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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