I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
