I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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