The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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