The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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