i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
