She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
