Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
