Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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