I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drake has all the answers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
