Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
