If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
