i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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