why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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