But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
