i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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