i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize