Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just had sex bonerless
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
