dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
