Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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