Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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