Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.