Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"