im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
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well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring