God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.