You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
