the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
